Craving a good nights sleep...

Yep, I am. :)

I'm finally getting a child-free second to get on here. I can't find much time for that anymore as I always seem to have a little boy on me and I'm no good typing with one hand. :)

Jellybean continues to do incredibly well, other than sleeping. Each day is one more step of learning who this little guy is and what upsets him. I know now that he is absolutely terrified of closed doors and that that fear is multiplied 200 times when it is dark. At first we thought his screaming and fighting was an anger response, but now it is obvious to me that he has a true, true fear of those things and goes into survival mode when a door is shut or it is dark. So now when he tantrums (which is very infrequently) we just let him cry it out wherever we are. Doors open. Lights on. :) Unfortunately (for him..hahaha) we've done this tantrum things with 4 others before him, so he doesn't get much attention during his fits. He's quickly realizing that laying on the floor crying isn't going to work and he might as well get over it. His smile comes very easily and he's so laid back over all.

And so, it's really just the sleeping. I had been trying to rock him in the dark room at night, but you can about guess how that went. :) Finally I had a light-bulb moment. Last night I just kept him with me in the living room and it wasn't long before he konked out. Easy as pie. :)

Our (well, really my) biggest problem is during the night. He sleeps soundly for a couple of hours and then he starts. He'll suddenly cry and cry, but he's not even really awake. Some nights he's easy to comfort and goes right back to sleep, most nights it's a battle. He doesn't really seem to even be aware of what is going on. So last night when he woke and wouldn't stop, I took him in the quiet living room and just walked with him. He actually calmed right down and cuddled up into me. But it was another hour I was up. Hence the craving sleep. I know, quit whining, right? ;)


The good thing is I know that this is only a phase and that it will pass. Doesn't make my cravings for sleep any less, but I do know that it will end. Kind of like having a newborn all over again. Only he's one heavy newborn..haha!

I still can't believe how well this kiddo is fitting in. He is appropriately happy and sad with all his emotions and just seems to know deep in his heart that he is home. He has a huge capacity to give and receive love and it's obvious that the care he received at COTP molded his heart into a tender, open one. I can't thank them enough.

There truly aren't words to say how deeply I love this little boy. He has totally...totally...taken my heart captive.

This Is Not At All What I Expected....

What I expected was a little guy who would grieve heavily and struggle to come to terms with his new life.

What I didn't expect was a little guy who would immediately find his place in this family. A little boy who would somehow "know" deep in his heart, that this is forever. I didn't expect a happy, loving, sweet preschooler, who would accept and give love to his family without reservation. A kiddo who is able to grieve, but always, always comes to mommy for love. I never anticipated that my son would cuddle up tightly on me to fall asleep. That he would love to play with my face as he looked deeply into my eyes. And that he would give the sweetest kisses reserved only for mommy.

I never knew that my heart would be so instantly gone. That I would feel an mommy connection with every beat of his tiny heart. That I could love so quickly and so easily.

Are we in the "honeymooon" period? I don't know, but something tells me this is for real. Jellybean is able to grieve and does so when he needs to. But more than grieving for what he's lost, he seems intent on soaking up what he has now. He is like a sponge.

And so I watch. Cautiously. And I follow his lead.

And every morning as he snuggles on my lap, I realize that what this little boy truly wanted was a family.

And I praise God that He chose us.

Happy Sweet 16th to My Sweetie!!!

How on earth did this happen?!?!? One minute, I'm pregnant, and the next there's this gorgeous 16 year old standing by me! A big Happy 16th Birthday today to one of my favorite people in the world!!

It's hard to imagine this kiddo has grown up so quickly and I am so incredibly proud of who she's becoming. She is a sweet, tender, loving, emotional, neat kid and her dad and I think the world of her. She is such a homebody at heart and she is going to make a wonderful wife and mother someday. Happy Birthday sweetie. We love you so much!!!






PS-Things are going amazingly well here. All the kids are doing so good and I have to keep pinching myself that this precious little guy is here to stay. Man, I love these kids...

It's a good day here..

We're settling in and having a good day here. Peanut has done very well with Jellybean and he with her. We're all learning to be a family of 7 and all the kids are just hanging out right now. A couple sleeping, a couple watching TV, and all doing well. :) I've got lots more to say later about our trip, Haiti, and the whole adoption thing, but for today, I wanted to leave you with this picture of my youngest two taken this morning while they ate lollipops.

Neither was born of my body, but both are completely my soul.


God bless and Merry Christmas!

We're home...

And we're exhausted. We have one tired, confused little guy here. So glad to finally be in this place though. :) Thanks for everything all. I'll type more tomorrow.

Hi again...

Hi all,
I was too tired to write last night, and went to bed very early. Loved hearing from you girls, but of course I'm sitting here in tears reading your notes. :) Miss you each very badly and I'm getting pretty homesick. I love, love, love it here, but I really am ready to get home and hold my girlies. :)

Kelly! My bad! I gave your little punkin a kiss already and completely forgot to tell you. I think I've got some good pictures too-I hope so! It's hard to tell on my camera because I can't see their faces well, but I think I did. I will let you know when I get home and settled (the rest of the moms too. :)) I hope and pray I got all your kiddos, but it was not easy trying to find them all.

Yesterday we were able meet Jellybean's grandparents and ask them all the questions we wanted to. They had lots they wanted to tell us about his life in Haiti and his family here and we will forever be grateful we could meet them. We gave them a photo album of Jellybean and they were incredibly touched. They had never had a picture of Jellybean and I had put all his pictures (21 months worth) from the orphanage in there. We promised to keep in touch with them and try to get back to Haiti when he's older. They are beautiful people and love him so, so much. It was hard, but it was worth it.

Then...

Jellybean had the meltdown of all meltdowns. Raging, screaming, hitting, biting, all of it. Lovely. His grandparents were still here, so they (and the whole orphanage) got to hear the whole thing. Talk about bringing me down a notch, or seven, or a hundred. It was horrible (Kathy could relate to this,huh?). I could not get him calmed down after an hour so I finally gave him to one of the nannies.

And then I had a hard cry. For another long time. Not pretty, but I think the whole experience had gotten to me by then. It's so confusing for these kids to come back here. It really is. It is 100% worth it, but I think it would have been best to let the nannies and caretakers do the disciplining while we were here. I think that would have made more sense to him. Just something to think about for those of you coming yet. :)

Anyway, after a nap, Jellybean woke up in the best mood. He wanted nothing to do with the nannies anymore and wants to stick by me and dh. So I guess in the end it was for good, but boy, it wasn't fun. :(

He's a great kid and very loving. He's got a killer laugh and smile, and loves to play hard then veg out with books and a movie. He's not quite up to Spiderman like Peanut though. He freaked at a jack-in-the-box. On a Baby Einstein movie. Hahaha! :) He's still a size 3T, but he's pretty tall (Mel, he is built just like C) so I think he'll be in 4's before long.

Well, we'll be off here to PAP soon, and then on to Miami. Love you all and miss you very much girls. :) Thanks dad and mom for everything.

Well looky here!

I'm on twice in a row! :) We're at COTP now and I'm sitting in this room with a bunch of really neat people who work here. We are very blessed to have these guys. They have been phenomenal. Truly they have.

Now I want to say "hi" to our girlies. We love you a lot and man, do we ever miss you. Thankfully we're busy, busy here, so we don't have time to stew on missing you too badly (cause we sure do). :( Hope you're having a great time at G and G and we can not wait to see you guys on Sunday.

It was another rough day before we got here. The Embassy was easy (much easier than Guate) and it was no problem. But afterwards, we once again sat in a hot, claustophobic office for hours. Jellybean did fine, right up to the very end. Then he just lost it. Heck, I would have loved to cry right along with him. We were hot, hungry, and very sweaty. Yuck.

Then came the wait in the little airport to get to Cap. Oh my. Hot (again), crowded (again), and one little guy was getting really sick of this day (his mom was too). Man I was crabby. Finally we got on Tortuga Airlines.

Wild.

Absolutely wild.

When you land in the little banged up plane and all the Haitians on board clap, and holler, and are yelling, "Praise Jesus", throwing their hands in the air...well...you know it wasn't just you thinking that had to be the wildest ride ever in the sky. NOT FUN.

Wild.

Did I mention it was wild?

And the ride to Cap and through Cap. I have to proces it before I can even describe it. Trash. Waste. Dirt. Concrete dust. Smell. Children. People. Every inch of land covered by people and trash and dirt.

Too much to take in.

We were completely blown away.

But then we got here.

What a truly wonderful place. Not home, but pretty amazing none-the-less.

Sara E...what can I say? Dh held your little wild man and was laughing and laughing. Man that kid can run! I gave him a kiss for you and told him his mama loved him. He says his last name so cute. :) Oh, and dh wanted me to tell you you're going to have a lot of fun keeping up with that boy. Darn cute, he is. :)

Nicole, your little guy was the toothbrush man tonight. He was so proud in his pink PJ's. ;) What a smile that little guy has! I didn't get to kiss him yet for you, but I promise I will tomorrow.

Sarah, aww...what can I say! I got a tour when we first got here and guess who was waving at me with a huge grin from his crib? He needs a big ole' kiss tomorrow too. Promise. :)

Pam, golly J is cute! Gave him a big, huge kiss and hug and told him you loved him. He is a sweet little guy.

Esta, I never saw your baby today, but I'll find him tomorrow. Ok?

Julie, oh my...saw your two that got medicals right at the end of the night. Good grief they are cute! Gave them a kiss for you. And your other little guy...he stuck to me like glue and I was more than happy to love on him for you. He loves telling me his full name and my goodness...he has a smile that just got me. For everything you did for Jellybean...I was glad your little guy picked me to hold him and care for him. He is precious.

Hmmm...trying to remember if there's more. N and C...funny, funny kiddos. ;) I've got to see the rest tomorrow.

We're doing good. I'm in love with this country, dh...not so much. :) But we're doing good. Jellybean is clinging in a good way to me. And we're getting there.

It's good.

It's really, really good. :)

We're here!!! And we've got a cutie with us....

Hi All!!!
I'm on our lawyer's computer for a second. We made it fine, with a lot of hitches with our last flight. We only slept about an hour last night and then we were off again.

Our flights to Haiti went amazingly smooth (I HATE FLYING) and we landed right on time. Jellybean was supposed to meet us with COTP staff outside the airport about an hour or more after we landed. We had a plan to hang out with our lawyer's staff and headed out into the warm Haitian air.

Dh was in front of me walking through the crowd. I was behind trying to manage a few bags, when I heard someone say, "D!". I turned, confused who would know me in Haiti. I saw a gentleman I'd never seen and nothing clicked in my braing.

Until...

I looked at his hand. There was the most precious little guy.

Our son (tears here).

He instantly came to me and I was at loss for words and completely overwhelmed. He was here. Dh didn't register what was happening because he was trying to not get lost in the crowd.

He heard the same gentleman (who was Daryl from COTP by the way) holler, "R!!". Dh turned. Shocked.

In my arms was his son.

There are no words for what we felt.

Our son is happy.

He is beautiful beyond words.

Oh my word we love this kid.

(more tears....)

The Call...

Whew! I am finally sitting down after a day of knots in my stomach so tight that I kept thinking I was going to throw up any second. I was totally not prepared for that call this morning.

I knew we were waiting for a call. I really did. But here's the deal. Last week on both Thursday and Friday, Sara tried to call the Embassy to see when our visa appointment was. When she never got through on Friday I just knew it wouldn't be this week and then with Christmas I thought we for sure had two weeks yet.

Doesn't God have a wild sense of humor?!?!? :D

Sara called this morning and said, "You need to get plane tickets. Now.". When I heard that, I think my heart jumped clear out of my body. And my stomach lurched up into my heart's place and hung out there all day. In one big knot.

See, because of my little assumption, I literally had NOTHING ready.

Nothing.

Whoops.

It was a wild day here. Plane tickets. Motel rooms. Arranging things back and forth with staff in Haiti. Lining up things for the girls. Calling and canceling everything I had lined up this week. Doing mountains of laundry that kept reproducing the minute it saw me turn my back. Trying to remember where I put my brain.

And doing lots of praying.

A whole lot of praying. :)

Tonight I am finally sitting down and absorbing all of this. OUR LITTLE GUY IS COMING HOME!! I'm so tired and excited right now and I still have a stomach full of butterflies. :) But we're ready. We're packed. And the girls are taken care of. In less than 48 hours, my youngest kiddo, my baby boy, will meet us for the very first time.

Praise God.

Praise God.

HAITI HERE WE COME!!!

OH MY WORD! We leave for Haiti TOMORROW!!!! Jellybean's Visa appointment it Thursday!! I AM SCRAMBLING HERE!!!!!!

More later...I can't think right now!!

OUR LITTLE GUY IS COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Eyes Have Seen...

I thought my feelings about SoccerBoy and Princess were resolved, but the lack of sleep I got Friday and Saturday night, proves they weren't.

Long ago I had resigned myself to knowing those two kiddos wouldn't make it home. I knew they were in a good place. I knew they would be some of the "lucky" ones in Guatemala, because they would have an education and more importantly, they would know God. I realized that with all this, they would be children who could impact their country in a positive way. I really thought I was on top of my feelings about the whole thing.

That's why all the thoughts that came bursting out this weekend really surprised me.

Logically, there's no way our paperwork is going to make it in time.

And even if it does, there's only a very slim chance that the Embassy will accept it as is. And that ripped a big ole' scab off a very deep wound for me.

I went through a lot of "why's" Friday and then again on Saturday when the state seal I need for the Power of Attorney never came. Why didn't my agency tell us about the second hearing so that we could have started the paperwork sooner? Why didn't God make the kids' final abandonment paperwork go through before this deadline? Why did my homestudy agency not help us get things ready? Why? Why? Why? All night long. Two nights long. Plotting, and crying, and trying to work everything out in my head.

Sunday morning, after a second night of little sleep, I opened my Bible to the book of Job. Ever since we lost the kids the first time, the book of Job has been a huge comfort to me. I can never read just a passage or two out of it, the whole story draws me in and I find I need to read the book from beginning to end.

Crying out with Job.

Wondering why.

Begging for an audience of One.

Even now my witness is in heaven;
my advocate is on high.

My intercessor is my friend
as my eyes pour out tears to God;

on behalf of a man he pleads with God
as a man pleads for his friend.
Job 16:19-21

And as Job's anguish builds, I find myself also find my anguish pouring out. Pleading with God for answers.

And each time I read the book, I get to that final passage where God reaches down from His throne and speaks. And I find myself catching my breath. Hungering for every word, though I have read it numerous times.

"Would you discredit my justice?
Would you condemn me to justify yourself?"
Job 40:8

Wow.

And once again I am brought to my knees before a mighty God.

Then Job replied to the LORD :

"I know that you can do all things;
no plan of yours can be thwarted.

You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.

"You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.'

My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.
Job 41:1-5

And once again I find myself in His grip. Comforted by a God who does answer.

I know that you can do all things;
no plan of yours can be thwarted...

My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.

He knows the plan.

He created the plan.

And knowing this, I can honestly trust without bitterness or anger. I don't need all the answers. I don't even need any of the answers. He calls me to walk, and I walk.

Hard as it is, I believe in my heart that He is good and that His plan is right. And believing that, I find that my heart is once again at a place of rest. Not understanding, but rest.

No, my kids might not make it home. But He has them in His grip.

God loves SoccerBoy and Princess. He loves them. And they are His. And knowing that is enough.

I need to never forget that.

And a Christmas Miracle....

Remember that little prayer request I posted on Tuesday? Well prayers were definitely answered.

In a huge, only-God-could-do-it way.

Jellybean's paperwork is in Haiti.

JELLYBEAN'S PAPERWORK IS IN HAITI!!!

We don't know how it happened, just that it must have shown up sometime the end of last week. We got the "official" news this afternoon from our Congressman's office.

They are setting up the appointment and we are back to waiting for that call! It could be as early as this coming week, it could be three weeks out. Either way, our little guy is on his way HOME!!

PRAISE GOD!

And Even More...

Yesterday in Guatemala, a law was passed which will essentially shut-down adoptions on December 31, 2007. Whether the shut-down will be temporary or permanent is not known yet. However, a concession in the law will possibly allow cases to be completed under the old rules if they have a Power of Attorney registered in Guatemala by the December 31 date.

This morning we were informed that SoccerBoy and Princess had had their second abandonment hearing on August 24th of this year. They are considered legally abandoned now by the courts but are technically not 100% finished with that process since their abandonment paperwork is not completely ready. We were not told this because technically their abandonment it not complete. However, in light of yesterday's ruling, our agency is now going to try get them grandfathered in under the old rules.

So today we are scrambling here. We have several papers already ready to be overnighted to our agency. But everything hangs on that Power of Attorney. We have our POA typed up and signed. It then needs a state seal from our state and then needs to be authenticated by one of the consulates in the US, who will send it on to our agency. Our agency will then send it to our lawyer in Guatemala who will try get it registered at the Embassy and in PGN before December 31.

It's a total shot in the dark. We have just two very short weeks for all this to happen. We completely realize that the chances are incredibly slim that any of this will happen. It's too much too fast. But we will try. We're doing everything we can on this end and have to leave the rest to God. And today we're ok with that.

As I was typing, this picture came in. Our agency director is in Guatemala right now for the kids' Christmas party.


How can we see those faces and not try..

Keeping our eyes fixed...

On Monday night, the Embassy in Haiti gave us a glimmer of hope on Jellybean's case. Our director was asked to call back and talk with them today. Yesterday we waited anxiously for today to come. My nerves were fried. Dh was calling home over and over, playing out "this scenario" and "that scenario" in his head. Trying to plan for all the "what-ifs".

This morning Sara began calling.

She tried.

And tried again.

And again.

All day long.

No one at the Embassy answered phones.

No-one answered email.

And when 4:30 hit, we went back to waiting and wondering. Not knowing if the information our agency was given Monday even had a shred of truth to it. Back to being so close, and really still so far.

Sigh. :(

Sara and I got to talking late this afternoon when she called to tell me that no-one was answering at the Embassy. We talked about how incredibly difficult adoptions from Haiti are, and how she literally has to fight each and every case through. More than ever, we both believe that satan would love nothing better than for each and every one of these adoptive families to give up.

To throw in the towel.

For no-one to listen to God asking them to walk down this road.

But when people do so, satan's won. He's gotten families to turn their backs on some of the most fragile jewels in God's creation.

The children.

And so we start back at it again tomorrow. Ready to fight one more day. One more week. One more month. Ready to ignore the shredded and bleeding claw marks satan has left on our backs. Choosing to instead keep our faces looking towards the One who controls all.

It must make that pitiful devil pretty mad. ;)

Prayers...

I can't say much, but just please pray for Jellybean's paperwork. Things are going on that I can't say anything about just yet. Please, please pray...

We trust....

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Psalm 130:5-6

We are doing pretty good over here. Still completely stunned that this happened, and still a little teary, but overall we're doing ok. Our USCIS worker sent off the photocopies of Jellybean's paperwork to the NVC, so now we wait. The NVC has said they will accept them as is and will forward them on. The clincher is whether or not the US Consulate and Embassy in Haiti will accept them, and whether or not they have of one of the papers on file that our USCIS did not.

I'm feeling pretty subdued right now. All the emotional high of the last few weeks is gone and instead I just feel..quiet and shocked. I know we are in the best hands between our Father and the people working on this, so now we wait and pray.

We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
Psalm 33:20-21

And while you are praying for us, would you add these families to your prayers as well? The thing about suffering is, there is always someone who has a harder pain than your own. Maybe that's to keep us from focusing solely on ourselves. These families have endured a tremendous amount of suffering and I ask that you remember them in prayer this weekend as well.

Wendy....
Wendy has been waiting through two nightmare adoptions from Guatemala. She has waited for her sweet, curly-headed boy since January of 2006. His case has been very hard almost from the start, but has finally in the last month, begun to move forward again. In October of 2006, things looked very bleak with her little guy's adoption, and so Wendy's family chose to move forward and accept the referral of a beautiful little girl. Just like her brother, PB's case has been a tough one. Then recently, her little girl in Guatemala suffered a skull fracture and brain injury at the hands of someone. And now, Wendy continues to wait and pray that the governments of these two countries can get together to bring her kiddos home.

Erin and Tim....
This family has waited an excruciating 19 months for their precious little boy from Guatemala. Their faith has been rocked to it's core so many times, and still they choose to believe in a God they love, and they press on. They have become very dear to me and Erin and Tim have prayed me through some very rough times. They are finally, finally in the very last court process, and I would like nothing more for them, than to get a call to tell them that their little boy is coming home.

Sarah...
Sarah is waiting for her precious little Isaac in Haiti. The government of Haiti is now considering changing the rules regarding adoption, to state that adoptive families can have only 0-2 biological children. This is a new change and isn't even "officially" on the books yet, but it is already causing cases to be held up. Sarah has 12 children through both adoption and birth and has waited a long, long, long time for Isaac's case to clear through the IBESR courts. One person in the court is refusing to release Isaac's file, stating that he feels that Sarah's family has too many children. Meanwhile, a little guy waits without a home. Sarah is such a precious example to me of God's love, and my heart aches for her family in this wait.

Finally, thank-you again for praying. Dh and I talked long and deep about how Satan would like nothing better than for all these kiddos not to have a family. Maybe not everyone sees adoption (especially international adoption) as a battle of the Spiritual realm, but those families who have suffered and are suffering through horrendous waits, certainly do. And that is where your prayers come in.

God already knows the outcome to all this, but nothing delights Him more than to see and hear His children coming together in this battle.

Then he sent horses and chariots and a strong force there. They went by night and surrounded the city.

When the servant of the man of God got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city. "Oh, my lord, what shall we do?" the servant asked.

"Don't be afraid," the prophet answered. "Those who are with us are more than those who are with them."

And Elisha prayed, "O LORD, open his eyes so he may see." Then the LORD opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.
2 Kings 6:14-17

From heaven the LORD looks down
and sees all mankind;

from his dwelling place he watches
all who live on earth-

he who forms the hearts of all,
who considers everything they do.

No king is saved by the size of his army;
no warrior escapes by his great strength.

A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
despite all its great strength it cannot save.

But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.

We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.

In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.
Psalm 33:13-22

Lost...

Well, we've got good and bad news.

The bad news is very bad.

Jellybean's immigration paperwork is lost.

I was able to call the National Visa Center and I've talked with my USCIS agent all morning. The NVC has no record of ever having received his paperwork. It is definitely lost. This packet of papers contained all the originals we needed to bring him home.

I took a few Ibuprofen for my pounding headache when I heard this. And I had a good hard cry. Satan seems determined to fight this one to the end.

And yet even in this, we see blessing.

We have a wonderful agency program director who is working tirelessly, calling and emailing the various people involved in this. Yesterday we talked off and on all day. Today I've been on the phone with her all morning. She is working, she is praying, and this morning she sent me this ...

"Satan has overplayed his hand once again. Just when things seem to be so terrible, know that our Lord can rise against this...lets come together in prayer.

Precious Jesus, we surrender "J" to you. We know that you love him and desire for him to be home with his family. Father we pray that you will send your armies and forces of angels to battle the darkness conspiring to keep "J" in Haiti. We call on his release in your precious Holy Name. Amen."

We are blessed beyond measure to have her working for us. And we know that. All this, while her own little guy is also stuck in the process. She is not only my director, she has become a deep friend and prayer warrior.

We have an awesome, awesome immigration officer, who although she is nearly due with a high-risk, twin pregnancy, has been working diligently all this past week on clearing this whole mess up. She has been emailing me all morning, and also copying me on the emails she is sending to the National Visa Center and the Haitian Consulate. She is appealing to the National Visa Center's Congressional Unit, informing them of the situation and lobbying to have them accept photocopies in place of the originals. She has lined things up with them to immediately forward our case on to Haiti as soon as they receive the photocopies. She is determined not to pass this off to another officer when she goes on maternity leave. And she admitted she feels terrible about the whole situation and how badly it has gone from the start. She has been one of our strongest allies in this case and I've come to admire and truly respect her and her job.

We have you. All of you emailing and writing, letting us know you are praying. Offering up words of encouragement and thought, and caring so deeply for a little guy most of you will never meet this side of Heaven. That absolutely brings us to our knees. You have been there for all the tears and rejoiced with us each step of this long journey. We feel surrounded by your compassion and kindness. Thank-you faithful prayer warriors.

And finally, we know that the Hand of God falls even on this. We realize that our dreams and plans are just that. Dreams and plans. But we know that He has a wonderful plan and that His plan trumps ours for the best every time.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
Psalm 20:7-8

And knowing this, we find peace in Him. We do what we can, and through it all, we trust Him and thank Him for the people He's placed in our path and on this case.

Bring our baby boy home Lord.

Please bring him home.

A New Look...

Don't you LOVE my new look?!?!? :)

Nikki from Hero Holiday Dominican 2007 is a University student living in Canada. This coming July, Nikki plans to go to the Dominican Republic on a humanitarian trip. During the month of December, Nikki will stylize your blog for a mere $20, donating $5 of that to KIVA. The stylization includes a header, background, and adjusting the HTML coding to fit the new layout.

I think Nikki did a fantastic job here (and on the other blogs I've seen) and I was more than happy to support this gal in her work. If you are looking for a new look for your blog, but couldn't afford the high prices some designers charge, then drop Nikki an email this month and let her make your blog look fantastic!

And know that in the process, you are supporting two wonderful causes. :)

A Gift...

Today I went and bought Jellybean a Christmas gift. I need to get it in the mail and on it's way to him. Because, unless a miracle happens, our little boy won't be here for Christmas this year.

I'm trying to be ok with this, but in all honesty, it's been a rough few days.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

It's a long story, but Jellybean's immigration paperwork is once again holding us up. This part of the process has been, and continues to be, the biggest thorn in our sides.
We first filed the paperwork back in April (that's correct, EIGHT MONTHS ago!) but nothing was done on it until the end of August. From August to November was a long few months as our USCIS and Haiti's went back and forth, trying to decide who needed to what when, but in the end they did finally work it out.

We were so excited when on November 5, we finally got that coveted "immigration approval" from our USCIS here in the states. All that needed to be done, was for them to send the paperwork to the National Visa Center, who would then send it on to the Consulate in Haiti.

Easy enough, right?

Apparently not. Sara went to the Consulate last week while she was in Haiti, and they did not have our paperwork yet. This morning I called to Haiti and they still don't have it.

And to make it worse, as of yesterday afternoon, Jellybean is completely, 100% done on the Haitian side of his adoption. His adoption is final, he has his passport, his medical for his Visa is done. He has nothing left for them to do. This is the time when kids generally would get a visa appointment.

But we can't.

Our kiddo's paperwork is not in Haiti.

And he can't come home.

I know there must be some great plan in all this, but at this point, it's pretty hard for me to understand. I'm trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps, but the fact is, I'm on the brink of some pretty heavy tears.

So tomorrow, I'll again mail a box that has our baby boys' Christmas gift in it. I don't want him to be the only little one there with no gift from his parents. And as I pack that gift, I'll again dry my tears and turn my focus to those I do have here. I want to ask "why", but I have to believe things are not spinning out of control, and that God truly does have a plan.

I won't even pretend I understand, but I will in faith, trust.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
Psalm 42:5-6

More...

Sara and Sue are safely back at home and recovering. Thanks to all who prayed (especially for Sara). :)

Prayers needed....

Please pray for Sara (CCI Haiti program director) and Sue (CCI director). They are currently in Haiti, having traveled with CCI's first family to bring home their child. The family, Sara, and Sue were scheduled to fly out of Haiti and home to Florida yesterday morning. The flight was cancelled and as of this morning has not been rescheduled. On top of this, Sara is very, very ill and is not able to keep anything in.

Please pray that they are able to get a flight out today yet, and that Sara will be well enough to travel.