...

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships - so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people - so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war - so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in the world - so that you can do what others claim cannot be done, to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
Amen.

Franciscan Benediction

Trust...

I am terribly stressed about this trip for many, many reasons. This is a hard place to be in because I want to spill out all my worries and say, "look at all this!". It would be easier that way, but I also don't feel like it would be right. Instead, I am trusting God for things like I never have before. I am not even going to bring anything up here, I'm laying it at His feet and preparing to watch Him work. Trusting as much as I am humanly able, and mostly realizing how terribly small my faith is.

Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
Psalm 9:10

Your prayers are definitely appreciated.

Going...

So I am going to Guatemala. In November, with Savanah and Tabitha.

I'm working really hard at being happy about this.

But the truth is I'm not.

I'm angry and I'm sad that I have to go visit.

Again. :'(

I think this time I really let myself believe that they would be coming home. I thought for sure that we would be on a pick-up trip in October or November at the latest.

I thought that this would be our last Christmas without them.

I dared to let myself hope again.

And instead, I find myself once again in this place. This place of being a long-distance parent. This place of asking "why" and finding no answers.

I don't blame God. I truly don't. I blame a lot of people who have been given free-will, making a lot of bad decisions. Decisions that are definitely not in the best interest of two children who just want to come home. Somebody somewhere along the line seems to have forgotten that.

And so I go. I go with hugs and kisses. I wipe away tears. I make promises I don't know if I can keep and I pray to God that anger and bitterness will keep it's ugly claws off my babies.

I will do this.

I will pull myself up by my bootstraps, and do this.

Again.

...

I miss them.

So much that it hurts.

....

We are taking time to support and just be with our daughter. This week Saturday was to have been her wedding. She is facing life and the reality of her loss head-on. Her tears are a healing balm to her tender soul. Every hug, every word of kindness, reminds her again that she is deeply loved and supported by many. God has become her Rock in the truest sense of the word.

She is the strongest, bravest, most amazing person I know.

We love you so much Ashtyn. God is working and He will bring beauty from ashes.

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..." Joel 2:25a