I have been thinking a lot lately about prayer and whether God really answers our prayers based on anything we pray. I am consumed by doubts about what I believe lately and this article couldn't have come at a better time. I'm not sure how I feel about it just yet, but it's beautiful nonetheless.
The Awkward Silence of God by Timothy Jones
Why Pray When You Seem to be Talking to Yourself?
In every prayer, there is a touch of insanity.
You don’t believe me? Think about it for a moment: You wouldn’t ask someone who regularly converses with an invisible friend to babysit your children. Yet if that invisible friend happens to be named God and if the conversations typically end with “Amen,” you would entrust your progeny to that person without a second thought.
The apparent craziness of prayer can be summarized in a single word: silence. Many times when we pray, there’s no immediate response. The deacon mumbles a few words over the offering plates, the child prays for a pony for Christmas, the young couple screams for God to heal their baby—and nothing tangible happens, at least not right away. The offering may be used for God’s glory; a pony may show up on Christmas; the infant may survive. Yet on the surface, these answers seem to result as much from parishioners, parents, and physicians—or in some cases, sheer dumb luck—as from prayer.
So often God seems silent.
Yet over the past few years, I’ve learned something about God’s silence: When He doesn’t seem to respond to our prayers, it may not be because He’s chosen not to speak; it may be that His answer is already on the way.
NO RESPONSE
The Jews of the first century were familiar with God’s silence. For 400 years after the prophecies of Malachi, God did not speak corporately to His people. During these years of silence, followers of the Torah gathered in synagogues weekly and entreated God with the same prayer: “Speedily cause the descendant of David Your servant to flourish.” Yet they received no response.
(Read the rest of the article here)
The US and Guatemalan governments are trying to find resolution to the remaining cases. It means more waiting and more unknowns. Both kids are angry and weary. Neither believe they are coming home. I have never seen them like this and of course, I worry.
Like them, I'm hesitant to believe anyone's promises anymore. Every time we are close to being finished, someone halts the process and sets up a new one. That's where we're at. Again.
I'm not going to lie and sugarcoat anything. I am at a place where I see God doing what He wants despite our prayers. I do believe that ultimately His plan is good, but after being stunned into silence by pictures of the kids we were sent over Christmas, I have nothing left to say to Him about our case. He is working His plan and we are not able to change anything about it.
I cling to Jeremiah 29:11, believing that He is working for our good and for Ronaldo and Julia's good, even though I can't see it. I believe He cares deeply, but I can't pretend to understand.
It's a new view of God and of faith for me.
I can't change the mind of a God that is too Holy for me to comprehend.
Not bad. Not good. Just grappling with the true might and Holiness of my God, and where I stand in all this.
Invasive Grace..where God's plan comes on us and works through us, even when we don't ask for it.
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8 Thoughts From My Readers:
Dawn,
I can't know what you're going through, but I know it hurts. Just know that my heart is with you and I'm praying for you.
Love,
Julie
I don't even have any words. This is just torture.Knowing that God works for the best doesn't help the hurt and pain.Still praying...
Thandi is correct. Knowing and even believing with your whole heart that God is in control and does what is best and good for us does not take away the pain.
I have thought a lot about how much pain Jesus suffered on earth on our behalf. He understands our pain, our confusion, our weak flesh. Don't get me wrong - Jesus was still completely God! However, He did consent to laying aside His position as God in order to live a life that made Him the perfect sactifice for our sins. That also makes Him the perfect Mediator Who prays for us knowing exactly how we are feeling.
Jesus experienced the wrath of God and separation from the Father that must have been excruciating! He understands how we feel when we think that God is being silent.
I cannot begin to understand what God is doing in your adoption case. I have questions about some events in my own life that are hard to reconcile. All I can say to myself over and over is that I know Who God is. I trust in His character and in the way that He has revealed Himself to me in His Word. I choose to trust - even when the way seems dark and I feel alone.
I am praying for you and for your children. Our own adoption case which has been on hold for a year seems to be moving finally. I honestly cannot imagine how much pain you are experiencing. I know much of your pain is for your kids who are waiting and wondering. Sometimes I just hate this sin infested world and long for Jesus' return when things will be as they should have been - before the fall.
Love and prayers, Lori
Linked to your post on my blog because I know it's one to which a lot of people can relate, in whatever circumstances they are.
We're also in what seems an impossibly tangled adoption process in Latin, and one of my new favorite songs (in Spanish) is Alex Campos' "El Sonido Del Silencio" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sVBMkCkJz8). He captures just what you're also saying here. Sometimes the faith seems like foolishness, and ditching it seems sensible. But then where will we be when God does speak?
So hard. Praying for your family whenever you post one of these updates.
haha, that's "in Latin AMERICA" ... although it might as well be "in Latin" for all the progress we're making. :)
Awesome post! The road to international adoption is so hard sometimes. We know our journey to our daughter in Congo was His plan for us, but it doesn't make the anxiety, stress and emotional any less. We continue to believe that He will see us through. Hugs Mama!
Amy
I feel your struggle sweet Mom who waits. It's like getting kicked in the gut again and again. We are to pray without ceasing. Oh yes, all for a reason. Will we know it? Maybe someday. Our children grow and we miss so much. My heart aches WITH you. I cannot imagine your wait. God Bless.
Just wanted you to know I am praying along with you...
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