July is hard for me. Especially the end of July. It means the kids' birthdays are coming again in a month. It means they are again one year older. It means another birthday of having to try send things from here to there. And wishing things were so much different.
It also means, that even if a miracle occurs today and the process suddenly begins again, my kids still won't be home for Christmas. It's just not even possible.
Last night I just lay in bed and the tears came. Deep sobs. My arms physically ache to hold my growing kids.
The questions begin.
The begging begins.
God and me there in the stillness of the night.
There are times when the pain is so deep and so real that it overwhelms me.
July is one of those times.
This too shall pass, but in the meantime, I grieve for all that has been lost and for 6 years of pain. I struggle to find meaning to what is happening and to once again release control of something I have no control over. I fervently believe that God is involved in all this. I have to believe because not believing is even more painful and lonely.
July is hard.
8 Thoughts From My Readers:
{silence}...{sigh}...{big hug}....
I'm so sorry.
Right there with you, my friend. Now that Vany is turning 5, birthdays mean more to him and to me. Getting ready to write his birthday letter, grieving the lost years, trying to figure out what to say to a 5-year-old little boy who desperately needs a family and is being denied that. Hanging on to hope, keeping my eyes on the Author of our faith. Desperately wishing things were different, not understanding, but trying to trust that out of these ashes beauty will arise. Love you!!
I have no words of comfort to offer you... instead I will cry in the ashes with you.... I am so sorry. It is truly heartbreaking!
Feeling such sadness for you and the kids. I can totally relate to your comment..."I have to believe because not believing is even more painful and lonely."~that is so true. Hope is what has kept me going many days. My prayers are always with you.
I am sorry! I am going to Guatemala the first week of August for one week. Would you like me to take their gifts with me? I would be more then willing to give them their gifts plus take photos.
you can email me at gretajoann@hotmail.com
My boys ask me every day about their sister Peri Brynn. What do I say? It is not something I understand, how do I make them understand? My heart still breaks and I am broken for her. I cannot imagine what you feel. Hugs. more hugs, and many kisses.
I am so sorry for your wait . . . I will pray for mountains to be moved somehow. Wish I could give you answers, and plane tickets.
Nancy
Praying along with you and I am so, so sorry.
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